


Happy Birthday Snaj

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:45:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5196137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A birthday fic for Sanji on Zoro's birthday whoops.<br/>Also how gay is it that Sanji has a tie the colour of Zoro's hair?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. T-Shirt time

For someone trying to do something nice for him, Luffy was being a real pain in the ass. He hadn’t even wanted to do anything for his birthday, but they had already put so much effort into planning it and getting everything set up, that he couldn’t really say no. And by they, he meant the ladies. It wouldn’t be gentlemanly if he had let them down like that. He had been raised better than that. He could already see the vision in his head of what would have happened had he not agreed to this. The women were in tears of sorrow and disappointment because all the effort they had put into setting this all up for him. He would have made not one, but two women cry. And that was simply unacceptable.

That and the fact that getting teeth pulled and bathing cats sounded a lot more pleasant than having to deal with saying no to Luffy about something outside of the kitchen. Especially if he had already decided. At least the cat would eventually give in and accept its fate and just let you bathe it and silently seethe in its new found hate for you. Luffy did not simply give up. “No” was not really a part of his vocabulary nine tenths of the time, and neither were “fuck off” or “Not happening”. Unless of course they were coming from his own mouth in response to your rejection.

However if he was going to get him to actually dress formal enough to get into the place that they had booked, he was going to have to do a lot better than he was right now. Adding a poorly done tie was not going to solve this problem no matter how badly he wanted it to. While odds were Luffy didn’t have any dress clothes, Usopp probably had something that Luffy could borrow.

To keep him distracted while he, Usopp and Brook went through Usopp’s clothes to find something that would fit, they decided that it’d be best to simply tie his fingers together and let him sit on the floor in the middle of the room and try and untie himself. It may not have been the nicest way, but it was the most efficient way to keep him occupied long enough for them to find clothes for him to try on before they made their final verdict on what he was going to wear out. With the three of them working together, they were going to make Franky wear pants, Zoro look less like a savage and more like a man, and Luffy wear actual shoes and pants.

Zoro and Luffy were already halfway to looking civilized because for once in their damn lives they were bathed and didn’t smell like some sort of wild beast. Rather for once they looked like they could possibly be made to look presentable at a formal occasion.

“So what do you think about this?” Usopp asked, pulling a yellow dress top out of his closet. Sanji and Brook both looked it over, then at the rubber man who was still preoccupied with his knotted up fingers.

“I think he’d look better in darker colours. Lighter colours are more your thing, Usopp. We could still try it though.” Sanji shrugged, looking through the sharpshooter’s clothes once more. With the three of them going through it at once, actually finding something was harder than it needed to. At least Brook could sorta lean over them and get in there, as opposed to how he and Usopp were squeezed in there in hopes that they could actually get to the closet.

By some chance they had managed to find a black dress top as the three of them all looked through the locker of Usopp’s possession. This was probably the best they were going to get. Usopp was really the only one whose clothes they could use and have Luffy look at least almost like an adult. Sanji would have just have to deal with the limited amount of resources they had and pray that this was enough to make him look at least like he wasn’t a child.

Sanji grabbed the trousers he had grabbed before and the two shirts and tossed them at Luffy, who promptly fell off the bed and was unable to save himself because his fingers had only gotten more tangled. With a sigh, Sanji leaned over the bunk and with a simple pull of two fingers, undid the knot.

“Here, try these on. No buts.” He ordered. There was a brief pout on Luffy’s face, though be it from him solving his finger knot problem for him while he was trying to do it, or because what he was wearing, was unclear. But he was quick to get over it and start changing.

Seeing as though it was a dress shirt, he’d have to find a nice tie to go along with it. For this he could actually go through his closet. If he could find a red tie, that’d be perfect. Preferably a darker shade, but if he could find a bright red, he could get Luffy to put a vest over top of it and maybe have a really nice outfit from there. Maybe he’d just stick with the tie to keep it simple.

He made his choice on the tie, going with a nice deep red for his captain. Usopp and Brook were already looking their captain over, making minor adjustments to his outfit. Looking him over, they had actually done a pretty good job.

“You were right, Sanji. He does look better in darker colours.” Usopp said as he looked at his captain’s attire. The only thing missing aside from the tie was the way he stood, but that wasn’t something that was going to be able to change just because he wasn’t wearing his normal clothes. It just was who he was as a person.

“I’m really surprised you didn’t notice it sooner, usually you’re more on the ball with these things.”

“Hey no one’s perfect, okay? I’m gonna slip up sometimes and make a few less good calls.” Usopp defended, though obviously a little flattered by the compliment. Sanji continued on, tossing the tie at the captain.

He instantly decided against the decision of letting his captain tying his own tie after seeing the look on his face and went over and tied it for him himself. He took a step back to look over his work. Usopp would have to lend him a pair of shoes, but other than that, he looked pretty good. Usopp seemed to be on the same page, as he went back to the locker to see if he could find some shoes for him and some socks.

Now to go deal with the mosshead and to make him look less terrible than he usually does. It was probably a lost cause, but he could probably manage to squeeze that muscle head into some of his clothes. Brook was over there helping him find something to actually work.

“Oh my god! You wear this every day?! By choice!?” Luffy complained, making choking sounds as he flailed about on the ground. After a few moments of going unnoticed, there was an annoyed grumbling and then it died down to a pout. They all knew that if they just ignored the theatrics, they’d die down. He’d sulk through the entirety of the time he was going to wear the tie, but at least it’d be a quiet angry.

Finding something for the mosshead was near impossible. They settled with a simple white dress shirt and a black vest. The pants he was already wearing were good enough. Now the question was what tie would he put on him. He tossed the outfit at him and got to work picking out a tie. He ignored the grumbles from the swordsman, who still saw nothing wrong with his outfit.  He no doubt was having his arm twisted into behaving by his dear sweet Nami, but he’d use it to his full advantage. Oh would he use this to his full advantage.

Looking through his ties, he tried to find one that was just the right shade of green. He held up two ties and tried to compare them to the shade of the swordsman’s hair. Deciding on just the right one, he snickered and put the other one back.

Seeing as the swordsman was about as couth as their captain, odds were he couldn’t tie a tie either. His smug expression as he walked over to the mosshead was met with one of restrained hatred to the point of a glare. He could tell he wanted to fight him, but given the fact that he probably either was under captain’s orders to do as he said for an evening, or he was being blackmailed by his dearest Nami and Robin, he couldn’t do anything to fight back.

Unfortunately for the swordsman, he didn’t fear the glare in the slightest. If anything, it just made him smugger about the whole situation.

“Look, I even found one that matches your stupid hair colour, what are the odds?” He mocked, putting the tie on him. He could see the remark burning to escape, but being held back by the swordsman with never ending amounts of self-control.

He didn’t look in the least bit pleased with any of it, but Sanji was more than pleased to make up for it. Now all was left was-

“So should we go tell the girls we’re ready? We’ve taken a super long time and I’m sure they’re more than ready for us.” Franky pointed out.

To the shock of everyone in the men’s cabin, the cyborg that was leaning against the wall while this whole fashion show went down, was wearing pants. This shock wasn’t lost on him in the least.

“What? A man can’t own pants for when he has to go out?”


	2. Chapter 2

It had been hell trying to get all this to happen. Not only had they had a small window of time to find the place on the island with the best cooking, but they also had to pony up the funds. Nami was willing to help pay for this, seeing as it was one of their crewmates, but at the same time, it did not stop here from trying to pry the best bargain she could from the deal, even if it meant some “gentle persuasion” as she called it.

So already they had a reputation with the place, and they hadn’t even gotten there yet. Needless to say, he wasn’t expecting great things from this evening. But if they all did their best to be on their best behaviours and pretended like they were all reasonable people and not a bunch of weirdos for one night, maybe Sanji would have a good birthday and a relaxing evening, and it wouldn’t end in a building burning down. Because he saw a lot of ways that this evening was going to end poorly. Hopefully tonight would be the one good end in this fucking train wreck.

“You guys really didn’t have to do this for me. I would’ve been fine with just spending the night on the ship and we could’ve had a party there.” Sanji insisted, despite the debacle that he had just endured that was getting all these fools ready to leave and look like that they could actually be people that go to these kinds of restaurants. He helped run a restaurant, so he’d know how hard it’d be to get reservations to nice places like this. And he knew how Nami was with money so he knew that there was absolutely no going back on this now. They were locked into this before he even knew it was a thing. And he was going to enjoy a nice relaxing evening where he didn’t have to cook and could take it easy and that was final.

“Come on, you shouldn’t have to work on your birthday. We couldn’t talk you out of breakfast or lunch, so the least we could do is this.” Nami cooed, and used her powers of having both boobs and good looks to charm Sanji into agreeing with her. In a display that was shocking to no one, it sent the man spinning into his normal nonsense that he did every time a girl looked at him.

“Of course Nami my love! Even if I do want to make sure that you guys get the absolute best, I’ll relax just this once for you!” He sung.

Needless to say that the poor host that they had made the reservations with remembered them. He felt kinda bad for the guy, but it made things go faster. The only thing that really stopping him from immediately taking them to the table was when he looked at Chopper.

“I’m afraid we don’t have any booster seats, but would a highchair suffice?” He asked meekly, no doubt still afraid of what Nami might do. Chopper opened his mouth to protest, but Luffy jumped in instead.

“Yeah.” And then the host nodded, getting a server to take them to their table while he went off to go grab one from their store room.

“Luffy what are you doing? We don’t need a booster seat.” He scolded, giving Luffy a little slap on the head. It wouldn’t help any since even if he wasn’t made of rubber, there was actually no knocking sense into him.

“Well Zoro said that there was no way that I could fit into one, so now that he said that I can’t I gotta.” He shot a look over to Zoro, but it didn’t do anything. They were both hopeless, but that was whatever. There was still more to this evening and he wasn’t going to let one little slip up from two idiots ruin all the planning that had gone into making this a great day for Sanji. It was just going to involve Luffy getting stuck in a highchair now, but that wasn’t going to be the whole evening. He just needed to take a deep breath and pretend like that wasn’t a thing that was going to happen. He was just going to pretend like his captain wasn’t sitting in a highchair in a fancy restaurant just because someone had told him that he couldn’t.

But the rest of this was going pretty good. They were all at the table, and aside from them having to be seated with Luffy, things were pretty good. They were all looking through menus and picked out drinks. Sanji was chatting up the waiter about the menu, and it got the point where one of the chefs was out there talking to him. He looked relaxed, so that was good. And as long as he didn’t go into the kitchen and start running it himself this was fine. Because he was going to just take it easy tonight.

But while everyone was busy, he couldn’t help but notice that the drinks were now here, and he couldn’t miss Zoro’s drink. Because it was an entire bottle of wine. He had come to a fancy restaurant like this, and ordered the entire bottle. It was like he wanted Nami to take his other eye. He had to subtly gesture for him to hide the bottle, because at least then things would all go to shit at the end of the meal instead of it being right now before they even got their food. He couldn’t even wait for an hour to try to get wasted? This was really unbelievable, except for that it was totally believable and he was just kicking himself for not seeing this coming.

Another thing he was kicking himself for, was the fact that he didn’t use the bathroom before he left. Hopefully the good portion of them would be able to keep the others in line. And hopefully Zoro would be able to keep his drink hidden without having to be reminded in the time it took for him to take the fastest pee in the world. He couldn’t really afford to leave them unattended, because he seemed to be the main force keeping this whole mess together right now, because everyone else was having fun, and that was fine, but that just left him to try and keep everyone doing what their supposed to.

Despite being fast in and fast out, it was obvious that things had already gone downhill fast. First of all, Zoro was drinking straight from the bottle, and while that was a thing that he normally did, that was just something that would raise all kinds of red flags for someone like Nami who wasn’t an idiot, and would connect the dots. He was sure that Luffy was now regretting his choice in seating and was now struggling to get out, and it was becoming clear to everyone that he had gotten stuck. And he was just going to stretch his way out of it. In the middle of a busy fancy restaurant where he was going to cause a commotion. And when he no doubt broke something it was going to go onto their bill, and that was going to be bad enough as it was without Luffy adding to it with his none food related bullshit.

But the worst thing that had happened since he had left, was that Sanji had disappeared. In the short span of time it took him to get up and go to the bathroom, Sanji had left, and he knew where he was. If he was in the bathroom, he would’ve seen him on the way in. That bastard was in the kitchen and probably working on their dishes himself, even if the chefs on hand were insisting that he go back to his spot. This was awful. This was an actual disaster. This wasn’t Sanji taking it easy at all. He was working in the kitchen on his birthday.

He heard a shriek from their table from Nami. In a (not in the least) shocking turn of events, Zoro had got caught drinking the wine. He wasn’t sure how that had happened because he was (not even close to) the sneakiest person he knew. What was the world coming to.

And then Luffy came shooting out of the highchair once he had gotten stretched enough? Sure, why not. The whole restaurant was no in chaos, Sanji was missing, and they were going to have to make a break for it after this, because there was no way in hell that Nami was going to pay for all this.

It was time to just cut his losses. Sanji was probably having a great time in the kitchen, and all of this was a waste of everyone’s time.

He was gonna take the chance and just get shitfaced and do his best to forget this night ever happened.


End file.
